I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
