I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
