allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
