He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
