all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
