We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
