college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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