Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
