you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
