everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
