Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
