Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
