Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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