he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
