Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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