u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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