I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
