i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
