I have demons in me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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