How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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