I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
