really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
