That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
