you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
