I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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