i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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