Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
