where am i from again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
