bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
