This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
