He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
