Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
