he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
