I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The Olympian is in my bed
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