so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
