you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
