Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
