we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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