Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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