I've blown a few things in my day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
