I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
