just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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