I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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