WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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