she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
