I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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