if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
