omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I deserve this hangover.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
