Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
