Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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