I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
