Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
