you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
