finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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